A shared struggle

"In the past few weeks, I have constantly felt tired. Only by focusing on the results of my work and my much-needed revenue, have I managed to drag myself through. But now, I am at my breaking point. Yesterday, I visited my doctor, who immediately prescribed eight weeks of complete rest. I'm on the verge of burnout. This goes against my nature, but I am forced to do it. For my family, for my clients, and most importantly… for myself."

Last Friday, I received this message from a colleague. He's someone I truly appreciate and work closely with. Naturally, I wish him all the best. When I discussed this with my partner, she told me that several people at her work are also burned out and at home. It's simply too busy. And the fact that her colleagues are at home puts even more pressure on the rest:

"We were just chatting with a couple of people about how we won't see Kirsten for the next few months. She had developed serious health issues and has been admitted to the emergency. As we were sharing our heartfelt concerns about our colleague, our manager walked by and immediately reprimanded us: 'Well? I hear you're all so busy, but apparently not? I see you have lots of time to chat? Get to work!' Honestly, that was the last straw. I'm really curious to see who will or won't show up next Monday."

Yesterday, Sunday evening, I said goodbye to my daughter and her BFF, who are going to the seaside this week. As we exchanged hugs and kisses, my daughter's friend's mother came up to me and said, "Tomorrow, I'm going to see my therapist. I'm hitting the pause button. I can't do it anymore… it's been enough." We looked at her in astonishment; "Because of work?" "Yes," she said, "we're in the middle of the sales, but there's practically no staff. It's just not doable like this. I know there will be financial consequences, but I can't do it anymore."

I quietly suspect that this conversation could have gone on for a few more hours, but the girls had to leave. What stays with me most from this weekend is that, in just three days, three people told me they have had enough. That the endless busyness and constant striving for results are actually destructive. Humans are not made for living under constant pressure; it goes against our nature.

Another approach

Yet, there is a possibility, an opportunity, a way to do things differently. That is the essence of NEO: No Expected Outcome. It is an option to move from energy drainers to energy givers. From obligatory output to personal freedom. From we must to we can. From being tired to being well.

Breaking out of that vicious cycle requires courage and a change of mindset. But fortunately, there is science and strategy. I developed the NEO strategy as a way to get through a difficult period myself, which was overflowing with deep personal challenges, an emotional rollercoaster, a physical toll on my health and well-being, and hitting a financial rock bottom.

The hidden truth

A young woman sits with me, sobbing about her challenge. How she has denied herself happiness in love for so long. She breaks down, and with tear-filled eyes, says: "I haven't seen her since, but I miss her every day…" As she shares her coming-out, she ends her story with: "I've never told anyone this before…"

Something breaks in me too. She is so genuine, her story so relatable. I feel like a traitor and a fraud because I too carry a secret I have never spoken about with anyone.

I have carried that secret within me since my childhood. Despite people recognizing me as a quiet and withdrawn boy, I didn't feel that way. I remember sitting on the soft, wall-to-wall carpet of my bedroom, reading and drawing to my heart's content. I devoured the 'Tiny' books I had received from my cousins. I loved reading fairy tales about princesses and castles. I didn't like football or physically violent things at all. On the playground, I belonged with the girls, not the rowdy boys. You guessed it; in secret, I was actually a girl. At least, that's how I felt. Forever.

Now, people recognize me as the woman I truly know I am. But not without a struggle, of course. There still are people who simply ignore me. A simple "Hello" or a friendly nod seems too much to ask. And other people embrace me. Being a transgender woman remains an emotional rollercoaster.

Last year, my coaching business went under. We had started the business with four business coaches in 2003. But during the COVID period, two business partners couldn't generate revenue because of COVID infections and other restrictions… Our business couldn't withstand the repetition of lockdowns and protective measures.

In the past eighteen months, I have had to completely reorient myself, rebuild my business from the ground up. But it also had a significant impact on my family. Because at the same time, we were searching for a new home, a new mortgage, a new life. At one point, I looked at our bank accounts. They were all deeply in the red.

So every free moment; evenings, weekends, mornings, and nights turned into obligatory 'productive' time. My motto was: "When the going gets tough…" 

I focused so hard on the rebuilding that I took a toll on my health. My weight increased visibly. I developed a heart condition.

A moment of clarity

Up until one good Friday, when I was sitting in front of my screen… with thousands of predetermined goals and desired outcomes for that day. And I felt myself block. Nothing was coming in. Nothing was going out. I felt completely drained… exhausted… done… done… done…

Just then, my gaze fell on the synthesizer I got a few weeks earlier. It was a present. It was still in the box. As I opened it, I felt a spark of energy well up inside me. Curious, I plugged the device into my computer. I touched the keys, and a wonderful sound embraced me. My heart jumped in my chest… I savoured the moments and immersed myself in wonderful sounds. I made music all day.

That Friday evening, I walked my dog in the park. I let my thoughts wander. And suddenly, it struck me; I had discovered something that could really help me. Instead of constantly exhausting myself… instead of pushing myself to achieve seemingly unattainable results… instead of constantly chasing my tail trying to keep up with the demands of the day… I allowed myself to have no outcomes. No goal, other than to enjoy the journey… creating music. To live IN the moment. In flow. All those things I had learned as a coach, I had brought together in a simple concept: No Expected Outcome.

When I talk to people about NEO, I find that I strike a chord every time. I see people whose eyes fill with tears; they tell me how my story is also their story. At the same time, I hear them sigh: "I wish I could do this too… My boss would never allow it… I still need to make my time billable… Yes, this works for you, but I don't see how I could do it…"

I find those reactions particularly interesting; on one hand, you realize how important NEO is, and on the other hand, you don't know how to get started? Well, let's just make sure you can start with NEO yourself right away with small steps. Not because you have to, but simply because you can!

Discover NEO

I want nothing more than to pass on what I have learned so far. So that you too can experience how different life can be when you not only recognize and understand the NEO principle but also truly live it.

As counterintuitive as it may seem, by not focusing on results for 20% of your work time, you soon achieve more results than you ever could have before. Because you give yourself the chance to recharge with inspiration, creativity, and meaning.

Would you want this?

Would you like to be part of an emerging NEO community?

Do you want to know what your first step can be to live NEO yourself?

Then you have the following options:

• Choose not to give NEO a chance and go back to the usual order of the day.
• Click this link and download the e-book.
• Listen to the free podcast episodes at your convenience.
• Follow the audio course, full of handy tips and techniques to fully experience NEO.
• Participate in an online NEO group coaching session.

So you don't have to wait for the perfect moment. You don't have to spend hundreds or thousands on coaches and therapists. You don't even have to figure out how, what, and when you can do something to get started.

In recent months, I have done everything I could to provide you with the tools, tailored to you, that you can start using immediately.

This is Your NEO day!

"Yesterday, I attended a meeting with our club, and we talked about how important it is to build in enough 'me-time'. We discussed the problem but didn’t talk about or practice any techniques. We were missing that. And look, today I got the tools that not only help me but also my friends. It feels predestined! Thank you, Steff.”

This testimony was given to me by Ann at the end of a NEO group coaching session. Such signals fill me with a mission to reach as many people as possible. Because during my walk with my dog that good Friday evening, I already felt; NEO is not just for me, but for the world.

So, what is holding you back? Download the podcast, the e-book, and let yourself be inspired.

Make your first NEO choice right now. And just to be clear; not because you have to, but simply because you can!

Let's make this Your NEO day!

Steff 🤗